My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
