i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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