'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
