He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
