I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
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do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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