elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
