i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
