i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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