I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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