I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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