I have demons in me.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
