In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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