Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
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There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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