wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
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Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
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My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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