She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
