The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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