why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize