rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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