I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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