dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
