I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
