May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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