Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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