Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
