She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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