We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize