dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
