Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
