hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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