the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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