Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize