420 ftw
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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