I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
