you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
