Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
