All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
