I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
