he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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