I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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