thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
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Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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