East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
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I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
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At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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