I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Randomize
