Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
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