I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
