I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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