For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
