I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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