And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
