sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
