I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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