I seem to have left my pride at pride
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
