I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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