i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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