Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
