nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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