I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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