My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
