Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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