i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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