woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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