He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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