I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
