My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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