the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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