I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
where are my eyebrows?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
