Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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