I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
