i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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