so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
