She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
